There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
