My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
