I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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