id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
