He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
