so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
