tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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