Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Welp...herpes.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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