i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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