final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
