Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
