He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
