im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
