She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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