The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
