the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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