we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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