so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
