i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
