none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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