Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
