I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
