last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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