i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
