He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The air taste purple.
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