Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
