P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
