YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
