it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
