To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
