he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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