remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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