im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
