Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
