Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
