I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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