You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
