Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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