Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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