Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
