a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
