Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
