I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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