i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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