I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
