You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
