Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
