??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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