haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
