their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
