Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
