I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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