i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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