Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
